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  1. #1
    darrentan.76 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1

    Rephrasing my promotional message

    Hello everyone,

    I'm not well verse in english, particularly phrasing my message so I hope you guys can help me out.

    This is a message for an ad print for our contest we're organizing soon. Is there a better way to phrase the message to make it sound convincing and get people hype up?

    ----------
    ABCD Lucky Draw!

    Tell us what you think of ABCD and get rewarded!

    Step 1) Go websitedotcom/contest
    Step 2) Fill in your name, email (your email will ONLY be used to notify you if you’ve won) and your feedback.
    Step 3) Submit

    Once submitted, you’ll automatically be enrolled into the lucky draw and stand a chance to win the following!

    1) 1st prize
    2) 2nd prize
    3) 3rd prize
    ------

    I'll like to make it sound effortless and there's no strings attached. We just would like to sincerely hear what they think about our product and we will reward them.

    The target audience of the ads is teenagers so the phrasing can be unconventional and hip as well..

    Hope you guys can help me out, I'll really appreciate it..

    Oh btw is there any clauses I should include for the fine print for such lucky draw contest?

    Best regards,
    Darren

  2. #2
    Lena is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    2
    I'll like to make it sound effortless and there's no strings attached.

  3. #3
    Dannybranded's Avatar
    Dannybranded is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Pittsburgh Pa
    Posts
    16
    ABCD Lucky Draw!

    Let ABCD reward you for your opinion!

    Its so easy and will online take a few minutes of your time, here is how

    1) Go websitedotcom/contest
    2) Fill in your name, email* and short message on how we are doing .
    3) Simply click "Submit"

    Its that easy, once you click submit, you will be registared to win one of our great prizes!

    1) 1st prize
    2) 2nd prize
    3) 3rd prize

    *E-mail will be used to notify the winner only. Your e-mail is held with confidence and will not be sold or distributed in anyway.
    Dan Godfrey
    Internet Marketing/ Social Media Specialist
    Branded Solutions

  4. #4
    discountedclothing is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    351
    ^thats more concise and meaningful.

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