How to get people to answer ?

[ComBizSolutions]

Hey guys, I wanted to know if you could give me ideas as to what would be a good email to send people when you have ideas for their business.
Here is one email I would send but would not get a reply,
this is the last one I sent them:

Please listen to me guys I have a couple of ideas to show you that I think will help us both.

Please just hear me out it wont cost you any thing if they don't work and
I can email them over to you with out you signing any thing because I trust
you wont let me down if my ideas work : )

CompleteBizSolutions[at]gmail[dot]com / akyoungpro[at]gmail[dot]com

Sincerely,
Justin Young
----------------------------
I know it sounds desperate but I have been trying for a while, Please help.

[bestill]

What kind of ideas are you giving these businesses?

You need to show some legitimacy in your email. It needs to be more professional.
But why would they listen to you. That email would definitely get deleted. Your best bet is to say that you are an evaluator or something like that and tell them what you have seen wrong and how you can help them fix it. And talk about the economy a little bit and how they need to change just like everything else going on.

Just an idea.

[JLeezer]

I agree with bestill. If you had sent me that email with a subject line catchy enough to get me to open it, I would have deleted it within the first 3 seconds of reading. The first sentence is just pathetic sounding. I don't care how long you've been trying, if you come across as a pathetic, desperate individual then no one will listen. If, on the other hand, you come across as an expert in your (well, really their) industry, you might have a better chance.

The next thing you need to do is to go back through your email before sending it and check for spelling and grammatical errors. Here are the errors I found:

1) The first sentence is a run on sentence. It needs a period after "guys". (But this shouldn't be in your email anyway...just pointing it out as an example)
2) The entire second sentence/paragraph is a run on sentence. It should be divided into several sentences.
3) "wont" actually has an apostrophe in it.
4) ": )" - this goes back to being an expert. Smiley faces generally don't convey a sense of confidence in the recipient.

Did you spell out the @ and . in your email addresses or was that just done on YE?

Here's an example of a real email I sent to the owner of some images I'm hoping to license from him:

Dear Mr. Nicholson,

My company is developing a new service which is based around license plates. In our pursuit of high quality images of the 50 US State license plates, your website and pictures were found which exceeded our expectations. The detail and dedication you have shown to displaying your plates is incredible. I would greatly appreciate having an opportunity to discuss a licensing arrangement whereby we can use your images commercially. If you have any interest in pursuing such an arrangement, which I hope you do, please feel free to contact me via email or telephone. At this time, I'm not able to divulge the full details of our service in development, however, I will be able to provide more than adequate detail as to how the images will be used.

Thank you for your time,
Jon Leezer

--
President & CEO
Leezer Corporation



Compare those to emails and guess what results my email gave.

[RLorenzen]

Please listen to me guys I have a couple of ideas to show you that I think will help us both.

Please just hear me out it wont cost you any thing if they don't work and
I can email them over to you with out you signing any thing because I trust
you wont let me down if my ideas work : )

CompleteBizSolutions[at]gmail[dot]com / akyoungpro[at]gmail[dot]com

Sincerely,
Justin Young
----------------------------
I know it sounds desperate but I have been trying for a while, Please help.

Are you kidding?? Never write a business letter that sounds as desperate and pathetic as that. Regardless of how badly you want to get a foot in the door you are to remain professional at all times. Your letter has grammar mistakes and an emoticon. Those will surely kill any business letter. Don't sound desperate, don't sound like a child and use formal english and you're greatly increasing your chances of being taken seriously.

[ComBizSolutions]

Thank you. I will spend more time working on it.

[rogercbryan]

You need to write a formal proposal and mail it to them. Do not send them and email. If you want to be taken seriously you have to act professional to get anything done in this world. Look up online how to write a proposal / business plan. Make sure that you address all aspects of their business and how your ideas will increase sales or efficiencies. If this is your first time doing this then also make sure to have someone from the professional sector look it over before you send it.

[mthomas]

All the previous posts have covered all of my thoughts pretty well, so I wont repeat what has already been posted.

What I would suggest is for you try to develop your copywriting skills. You'll get a better feel on how to write more effective and professional sounding sales letters and will certainly improve your response rate.

These links, although applied mostly to website copy writing, will certainly aid you in writing better sales letters:
-copyblogger.com
-Conversion Chronicles

If you have enough money, why not hire a freelance copywriter to write the sales letter for you?

[sagestatham]

Hey justin, what a great idea and topic to discuss!

In answer to your question, one thing that i would be looking at if you emailed me wanting to help with my business is ....

1. State what these ideas are going to do...and i dont mean in a sales pitchy way...if i am to answer your email - what are you going to give me in return- heres an example..

Hey (name), I loved your site, i was particularly interested in.....and would be keen to find out more on ....... On another note, a few ways i thought you would be interested in to generate more traffic is 1. (idea), 2. (idea) and 3. (idea)....i would be really keen to hear how you go with the implementation of these strategies, after providing these ideas to (how many other businesses) i've found their sites have brought in (how much traffic) per (week, month, year)...keep me posted on your results, i will check in with you again in a few weeks, just for the record, im not looking for any handsouts or payment etc, on the contrary - i sincerely am interested in traffic generation strategies, by you doing this for me what i am receiving is (what are you receiving)... All the best (their name) i'll check back with you in (how many days/weeks) -

- then leave your name, your (professional email address), if you have a forum or website that provides the tally of this traffic generation ideas etc, that would be awesome - cause then they would know that you are a legitimate person....

hope this helps ----

another quick tip, use your own language, get into state and learn to build credibility online.... check out my site below if you need any further info and assistance,

im always happy to help