Girls problems - When you make a mistake, do you confront your flaws?

**krupt** · 08-13-2007 04:01 PM

Ok guys, I wanted your thoughts on this. It might sound a bit of a gay post but I really would just like your thoughts lol

Ok so I am 22 now - My last proper g/f was a full 2 years ago. Havn't been out with a girl properly since. I was together with her for like 1 year.

I don't want to get into to much detail and bore you guys so to the point - 2 years ago I broke up with her. It was my fault - I liked her a lot, had a lot of fun with her. She lives in Italy, me in London however in a year we visited each other a lot. She came here, I went there. I got pretty close to her family too - All were really nice to me.

It was boling over towards the end - I would just get annoyed at small things for no reason. She is a quiet type and never said anything bad about anyone. While I'm probably, tended to be opposite.

The final straw, one time I got drunk and just started saying rude stuff to her - and even about her family..I was drunk but it was stupid and since then she never looked at me in the same light. Like as if, she lost all respect for me. Whenever I tried to apologize, which I did a few times, she just said "OK" and that's it. Nothing more.

Her parents are divorced - apparently her friend said to me, you reminded her of all the times her Dad would go mad at her mom.

That was 2 years ago. I havn't heard from her since. I havn't contacted her - she hasn't me. Now and again, one of her friends tells me what she is upto or I ask, How she is doing. Nothing direct though.

Anyways, since then I've looked at myself and well I graduated and have just been getting on with my life. Improving myself. Since then, I have been doing well personally. I do freelance web projects and have just completed something for FHM. I work a job in downtown as a Web Designer. I work out 3 times a week and am quite into my body. I hardly party anymore which I used to a lot when I was 20. She did open my eyes and I like to think, I have improved myself and that if she did see me again, she would be pleasantly surprised.

Anyways - in September I am going back to her town as I have quite a few friends there. However when I go there, she was always the first on my mind. Even now, I think of her now and again. Something reminds me of her.

If I go back - do I go and find her and just talk and almost, "confront my mistakes" as it was my fault and I do feel bad about it. Or if maybe I decide not to see her, I think it would be good to give at least the mother a thank you or apology of some sort. Her mum was always cool to me and apparently, Anna - the girl - always said My mum is so fond of you...

It is something that inside me really bugs me - you know, that I lost someone I really enjoyed their company and a kind person too - someone I could trust. Obviously it bugs me more because I know it was my mistakes that made her just turn away from me.

I would be nervous initially to like try and get in contact with her as I know it is due to me, we like lost touch but would it take courage to confront her and apologize?

I am sure she would be interested to see me after 2 years and see where I am and obviously, the same for me for her

Would it be a good thing to at least apologize...or just get in touch when I go there?

Or is it something you just move on and forget -

I know I havn't - the reason I am writing this is because I still think of her.

**nayru** · 08-13-2007 04:23 PM

My advice is to take her out and apologize IN PERSON over a cup of coffee or something really casual and take it SLOOOOOW i cant stress that enough, do not rush into it and be a sissy and tell her exactly how you feel "I still love you/i think about you all the time" etc...a big no no. You will be setting urself up for heartbreak

. Take it slow, if it doesnt work out...there are plenty of girls out there, prob much much closer than this girl. The greatest healer is time...and other girls to take ur mind off her.

**jgeorgie33** · 08-13-2007 04:37 PM

You need to do exactly what feels right.

If you are going to get in contact with her, definitely try to do it in person, though. That's going to be a very hard thing to go through, especially if you still have feelings for her.

Good luck

**krupt** · 08-13-2007 04:44 PM

Yep I agree Nayru. I'm not that type to say - I think of you all the time - Hell, to say I like you took me ages lol.

I've tried the other girls thing - Since her I've been with 4 different girls, the longest one was 1 month lol. I just get bored quickly or have no interest then think about the girl I'm talking of.

However I do think it is good - as it really has given me a lot of time to concentrate on myself. Such as work and things such as my body. Which is cool but obviously, sometimes everyone needs someone to talk to and take out so I miss that part but we will see.

Don't get me wrong - I don't think of this chick all the time. I'm in London, you go out at least once a week and there are enough clubs to hit and you always find some hot girl. However when it comes to someone you just want to chill with or be with a bit more properly instead of one night, that's when I think of her.

So we'll see how it turns out - I know initially I would be shit scared to knock on her door and face her but I think it has to be done because I never apologized properly or we never even said bye properly. It was just really weird because of my actions and like I wrote above, it is something inside me that just bugs me so much.

If we broke up normally - like you know an argument and someone says - "Let's break up" or "I don't want to see you ever again" I could have dealt with it maybe and moved on. The way we finished was just really weird.

**krupt** · 08-13-2007 05:44 PM

You know what i find funny - I'm sure some of you have experienced this...possibly - sometimes at work, when a client phones up and your in one of those moods where you just want to concentrate on work rather than speak to a client...so I pick up the phone and I answer in simple Yes or No's or am just grumpy then as soon as the client says something like "Hi, it's Anna" (The name of my ex) I am suddenly like...Oh ok, hi, how can I help you...shall I lick your ass etc etc you know what I mean, like I just flip reverse. I'm sure that happens a lot lol. Doesn't matter if that lady is old or fat or whatever, I just have a soft spot now for anyone with that name!

**Franakapan** · 08-13-2007 09:12 PM

Heh, know what you mean in that last post - I find myself with a soft spot for girls called Laura...

As for the OP I can't really add to what has already been said - take it slow, do what feels right and, especially, follow your heart.

**pacificfame** · 08-13-2007 09:18 PM

If you truly want to get back with this girl this is what you do.

When you go visit Italy, depending on how long you stay don't visit her the first day or two. Give her a call and explain to her that you would like to speak with her at her home and or a coffee shop. While on the phone with her just tell her you have a lot of things you need to get off your chest and would really appreciate it. More than likely she will agree to meet with you.

When you meet with her start off with small talk, how's your life going, what's new etc.... Then say something like... The reason I wanted to talk with you is...

Then go into detail how over the past two years you have been making changes. When you or her brings up the point where you were drunk and called her and her family out, don't say well I was drunk. She won't give a shit, believe me.

Explain to her you still have feelings for her but understand how she feels.

Just because, of this conversation won't mean you will automatically just start dating again. However, the relationship will start to grow again. Maybe just some phone calls then could evolve into meeting again.

If you still want to talk with her mom this is the perfect time. If everything goes well while you guys talked that is. Tell her you want to also speak with her mother since she was a great person in your life. This will show great maturity and caring since you not only care for this girl but you also care for her mother as well.

Everything should work out.

Don't get your hopes to high. But this is a great starter point to rebuilding the relationship.

**zoobie** · 08-13-2007 10:03 PM

Let's put business aside.

If I were you, I'll take her back. Explain. Win here back. Do what you can NOW. You might be late. Good luck!

**Paint and Air Sportz** · 08-13-2007 11:23 PM

Or get off your ass and find a new girl go to someone bars and clubs and find someone better then her.

**sarathy** · 08-14-2007 08:48 AM

Originally Posted by krupt

Ok guys, I wanted your thoughts on this. It might sound a bit of a gay post but I really would just like your thoughts lol

Ok so I am 22 now - My last proper g/f was a full 2 years ago. Havn't been out with a girl properly since. I was together with her for like 1 year.

I don't want to get into to much detail and bore you guys so to the point - 2 years ago I broke up with her. It was my fault - I liked her a lot, had a lot of fun with her. She lives in Italy, me in London however in a year we visited each other a lot. She came here, I went there. I got pretty close to her family too - All were really nice to me.

It was boling over towards the end - I would just get annoyed at small things for no reason. She is a quiet type and never said anything bad about anyone. While I'm probably, tended to be opposite.

The final straw, one time I got drunk and just started saying rude stuff to her - and even about her family..I was drunk but it was stupid and since then she never looked at me in the same light. Like as if, she lost all respect for me. Whenever I tried to apologize, which I did a few times, she just said "OK" and that's it. Nothing more.

Her parents are divorced - apparently her friend said to me, you reminded her of all the times her Dad would go mad at her mom.

That was 2 years ago. I havn't heard from her since. I havn't contacted her - she hasn't me. Now and again, one of her friends tells me what she is upto or I ask, How she is doing. Nothing direct though.

Anyways, since then I've looked at myself and well I graduated and have just been getting on with my life. Improving myself. Since then, I have been doing well personally. I do freelance web projects and have just completed something for FHM. I work a job in downtown as a Web Designer. I work out 3 times a week and am quite into my body. I hardly party anymore which I used to a lot when I was 20. She did open my eyes and I like to think, I have improved myself and that if she did see me again, she would be pleasantly surprised.

Anyways - in September I am going back to her town as I have quite a few friends there. However when I go there, she was always the first on my mind. Even now, I think of her now and again. Something reminds me of her.

If I go back - do I go and find her and just talk and almost, "confront my mistakes" as it was my fault and I do feel bad about it. Or if maybe I decide not to see her, I think it would be good to give at least the mother a thank you or apology of some sort. Her mum was always cool to me and apparently, Anna - the girl - always said My mum is so fond of you...

It is something that inside me really bugs me - you know, that I lost someone I really enjoyed their company and a kind person too - someone I could trust. Obviously it bugs me more because I know it was my mistakes that made her just turn away from me.

I would be nervous initially to like try and get in contact with her as I know it is due to me, we like lost touch but would it take courage to confront her and apologize?

I am sure she would be interested to see me after 2 years and see where I am and obviously, the same for me for her

Would it be a good thing to at least apologize...or just get in touch when I go there?

Or is it something you just move on and forget -

I know I havn't - the reason I am writing this is because I still think of her.

Before you approach her right away, find out through a common friend if she is still single. Then its better you open up. Otherwise it will becoming embarassing. Once you get to meet her, politely, tell her how you feel and how much you love her. She seems to be a person who can understand.

**sarathy** · 08-14-2007 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by krupt

Ok guys, I wanted your thoughts on this. It might sound a bit of a gay post but I really would just like your thoughts lol

Ok so I am 22 now - My last proper g/f was a full 2 years ago. Havn't been out with a girl properly since. I was together with her for like 1 year.

I don't want to get into to much detail and bore you guys so to the point - 2 years ago I broke up with her. It was my fault - I liked her a lot, had a lot of fun with her. She lives in Italy, me in London however in a year we visited each other a lot. She came here, I went there. I got pretty close to her family too - All were really nice to me.

It was boling over towards the end - I would just get annoyed at small things for no reason. She is a quiet type and never said anything bad about anyone. While I'm probably, tended to be opposite.

The final straw, one time I got drunk and just started saying rude stuff to her - and even about her family..I was drunk but it was stupid and since then she never looked at me in the same light. Like as if, she lost all respect for me. Whenever I tried to apologize, which I did a few times, she just said "OK" and that's it. Nothing more.

Her parents are divorced - apparently her friend said to me, you reminded her of all the times her Dad would go mad at her mom.

That was 2 years ago. I havn't heard from her since. I havn't contacted her - she hasn't me. Now and again, one of her friends tells me what she is upto or I ask, How she is doing. Nothing direct though.

Anyways, since then I've looked at myself and well I graduated and have just been getting on with my life. Improving myself. Since then, I have been doing well personally. I do freelance web projects and have just completed something for FHM. I work a job in downtown as a Web Designer. I work out 3 times a week and am quite into my body. I hardly party anymore which I used to a lot when I was 20. She did open my eyes and I like to think, I have improved myself and that if she did see me again, she would be pleasantly surprised.

Anyways - in September I am going back to her town as I have quite a few friends there. However when I go there, she was always the first on my mind. Even now, I think of her now and again. Something reminds me of her.

If I go back - do I go and find her and just talk and almost, "confront my mistakes" as it was my fault and I do feel bad about it. Or if maybe I decide not to see her, I think it would be good to give at least the mother a thank you or apology of some sort. Her mum was always cool to me and apparently, Anna - the girl - always said My mum is so fond of you...

It is something that inside me really bugs me - you know, that I lost someone I really enjoyed their company and a kind person too - someone I could trust. Obviously it bugs me more because I know it was my mistakes that made her just turn away from me.

I would be nervous initially to like try and get in contact with her as I know it is due to me, we like lost touch but would it take courage to confront her and apologize?

I am sure she would be interested to see me after 2 years and see where I am and obviously, the same for me for her

Would it be a good thing to at least apologize...or just get in touch when I go there?

Or is it something you just move on and forget -

I know I havn't - the reason I am writing this is because I still think of her.

Before you approach her right away, find out through a common friend if she is still single. Then its better you open up. Otherwise it will becoming embarassing. Once you get to meet her, politely, tell her how you feel and how much you love her. She seems to be a person who can understand.