[TheCDAllenGroup]

It seems that obtaining any professional and/or financial success will be dependent on obtaining at least a four year degree (formal education).

Here's a bit of my past:

High School - While I had a good GPA and no disciplinary problems, my social life was nonexistent. I had NO friends, was the object of teasing and public humiliation, didn't attend prom, and suffered from severe depression. Needless to say, graduating high school was an exit from this torment.

College - I started my post-high school education at a community college in the town where I lived. My major was Business Administration, but the same personal problems (listed above) continued to haunt me, in addition to dealing with major distractions at home with my mother's new husband. In short, I dropped out of this community college with failing grades, scorn from my mother, and inner humiliation. My entire reasoning for dropping out was no motivation due my thinking that what point would acquiring formal education when it seemed as though I was socially incompetent and would be lonely my whole life.

After dropping college, I gained employment with a bank, and then went on to get a job with a major merchant services company in Dallas, Texas. However, I resigned from the job due to the manifestations of my severe depression. Couple this with 3-4 failed entrepreneurial ventures, and I deem my life as 'unproductive'.

Fast forward another four years, and I'm here witnessing the failed and miserable life of with my biological father who blames everyone else for his mediocre life and constantly complains about the 'injustices' of his manufacturing job.

Now, I’m stressed to the max constantly worrying about my ‘future’ and equally jealous of the successes of my peers who are starting in their careers with accompanying good salaries.

Where do I go from here?

Why was I born? Was I born just to experience this horrible life of mine?

What can I do to get out of this hell-hole that I'm in?

[ladyk5]

hi CD....I have been where you are (actually much worse) I have been depressed I have attempted suicide... and I have realized the world owes me nothing, I have to do things on my own and believe in myself and in God to get what I want. dont question just have faith, faith in yourself and faith in God. Keep your mind and eyes focused on your purpose. God does not work on your time but on his...just because your peers are doing certain things that may seem to you to be productive lives with good salaries does not necessarily mean that it is so---God has something planned for you but you must not give up on him.

As far as education, although I have my degree and am also working on my MBA, I think we all know that having a degree/or not is not a design for success (especially if you are attempting to be an entrepreneur) I do however encourage you to obtain formal education in the career or business that interest you...you should never stop learning.

Now as far as people teasing you....dear that is a way of life that you just have to deal with and realize that it is thier inadequacies that are causing them to do it NOT your own. People will talk about you till the day you die, they talked about Jesus...so forget them. Dont encourage it, dont incite it, and dont acknowledge it for when you do these things they gain power over you. Dont allow yourself to entertain the thought that you are in some way inadequate.

Now as far as where you go from here: figure out what it is you want to do, find out what you need to do to accomplish it and do it. Dont allow anyone else to prevent it...it has to be in you. Otherwise no matter what opportunity presents itself you will never be able to take it because you will constantly be worried about these things

As far as the second question you need to talk to God about that and life might seem bad to you but trust that there is someone (in fact millions of ppl) doing much much worse. In all reality when you finally do succeed you will see this was a trial, or perhaps your rite of passage, but you have to make it over the mountain first.

How do you get out of the hell hole? My advice: Pray and have faith. Your pain is, in all honesty, relative to your experience. I have been through things that are MUCH MUCH worse and I AM STILL HERE and doing ok. So look deep inside and begin to study your craft but the first book I would recommend you pick up is The Bible

Good Luck and best wishes to you...

[tazman9r]

Originally Posted by TheCDAllenGroup

It seems that obtaining any professional and/or financial success will be dependent on obtaining at least a four year degree (formal education).

Here's a bit of my past:

High School - While I had a good GPA and no disciplinary problems, my social life was nonexistent. I had NO friends, was the object of teasing and public humiliation, didn't attend prom, and suffered from severe depression. Needless to say, graduating high school was an exit from this torment.

College - I started my post-high school education at a community college in the town where I lived. My major was Business Administration, but the same personal problems (listed above) continued to haunt me, in addition to dealing with major distractions at home with my mother's new husband. In short, I dropped out of this community college with failing grades, scorn from my mother, and inner humiliation. My entire reasoning for dropping out was no motivation due my thinking that what point would acquiring formal education when it seemed as though I was socially incompetent and would be lonely my whole life.

After dropping college, I gained employment with a bank, and then went on to get a job with a major merchant services company in Dallas, Texas. However, I resigned from the job due to the manifestations of my severe depression. Couple this with 3-4 failed entrepreneurial ventures, and I deem my life as 'unproductive'.

Fast forward another four years, and I'm here witnessing the failed and miserable life of with my biological father who blames everyone else for his mediocre life and constantly complains about the 'injustices' of his manufacturing job.

Now, I’m stressed to the max constantly worrying about my ‘future’ and equally jealous of the successes of my peers who are starting in their careers with accompanying good salaries.

Where do I go from here?

Why was I born? Was I born just to experience this horrible life of mine?

What can I do to get out of this hell-hole that I'm in?

I have dealt with two different types of depression in my life. When I was young, my parents divorced. It has taken me years, but I think I have a large enough picture of what happened to understand it. The after effects of the divorce carried into my adult life. I feel that I have finally identified most or all of the negative aspects of the divorce, as well as the bad life lessons (those lessons that taught me the wrong way to view things or do things) that lead to wrong choices about how to life my life.

The high school experience you described is probably similar to my own. Certainly there are differences in specifics, but in general. I was an unpopular kid in school. I was in band, which was a place that would sort of accept me, and I kept my head low in an attempt to fly under the radar. It is very easy to have the preconception that this describes how the rest of life will be, but I have learned this not to be true. Once your in the professional realm, it's all about your professionalism and "can you produce".

See, I joined the Army after high school, 6 hours after graduation to be exact. In basic training, there were no more fancy clothes, no flashy cars, nothing worldly that set a person apart from another. I was in the Army before they had combined basic for men and women, so I didn't get to see too many females, but when I did, they had no makeup, and only had their hair styled enough to fit under their cap. I actually have a really funny story about my first payday, being last in line for my company, a female company behind me, being "closed ranks" or really stinking close to the person in front of you, and an excessively busty female soldier behind me (think amazon, she was 6 foot if she was an inch). I'm sure you can guess the rest of the story. Lets just say that I am sure they put something in the eggs, and it saved my ass that day.

I learned a key life lesson while I was in the Army. No one can "make" you happy. Happiness is chosen. It can also be a byproduct of your situation, but in this instance happiness is fleeting. If you really want to be happy, you must choose it. This is why the framers penned the phrase, "Pursuit of happiness". No one can define your happiness for you, you must define for yourself, then choose it.

Following this logic, the only person who can institute repair on your personality is you. Or, put a little more bluntly, the only person who can fix you is you. You must be able to view yourself objectively, and address your own shortcomings. It's very tough when you think there is nothing right with you, but understand that is not true either. See, I've also learned that I might be handicapping myself with my own preconceptions.

Understand that there are three states of thinking. I call them fantasy, dreams, and reality. In my way of thinking, fantasy can never be attained, dreams can be attained with directed effort, and reality being accepting what is for what is. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream, and that dream is becoming reality over time. It may not be happening as fast as many would want, and the reality my not be what some had "fantasized", but we are getting there.

Preconception is often far different than reality. Preconceptions are often the result of our ignorance of a situation or subject. It has been very tough on me to have a preconception about how things are, and then learn that the reality is very different. A really cheesy example would be watching G.I. Joe as a kid and realizing that the real Army is nothing like that. A better example is watching Top Gun, and realizing that the real Navy is far different. While examining yourself, learn more about the real world around you. Take the time to read the fine print and make educated decisions. Discover what I call the "Paul Harvey", or, the rest of the story about as many situations as you can. What you'll discover is that many times, the "problem" is not you, but that you fell into the preconception trap, believing a situation would be something you fantasized about, but realizing that the reality was very different. Learning how to separate fantasy from reality is key to overcoming certain types of depression. And don't look to entertainment as a source for this. Television and movies are happy to paint a wonderful fantasy for you, and even when being dramatic, they don't deal in reality.

I have also experienced the depression that comes from having a dream ripped away. I was in a motorcycle accident some years back, and had to communicate with the FAA about my medical certificate. I was unsure that I would ever fly again. I love flying. I am not a fun person to be around when I don't have a flight job, so the idea that I might never get to fly again really tore me apart. The only fix for that was to get back into the cockpit, which I eventually did.

(listen to America the Beautiful or Glory Glory Halliyuia while reading this part)

I know this is long and kinda rambling, but take heart. You are not alone. Many of us have experienced the same type of feelings that you are having now. If you are unhappy and unsuccessful where you are, then you must do something to change your situation. Join the Army, the peace corps, the merchant marines, move to Alaska, or take a job in another state. Break from what you know, separate yourself from the surroundings that cause depression and build your own life on your terms. No one is gonna do it for you. Grab that bull by its horns, subdue it, then lead it around by the nose ring. Do these things while recognizing the things that were "bad lessons" in your life, and avoid them. There is no quick or easy fix. It will take time and determination. There will be pitfalls along the way, understand that you will fall off the wagon. Just get back on. And when you find your passions, both professional and personal, chase them relentlessly.

And always remember. NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!

IM me if you have questions. I am happy to talk with you.

[ron komorowski]

Well CD...looks like you have some friends here that have taken the time to support you!!!!

I looked at your picture. You look like a strong respectable well kept person. If I have any advice to give you it will be this: Learn to live your life for yourself.

I hear you worry about what people think, your customers think in your businesses, your family's problems. WORRY ABOUT YOU....and live your life for you and only to satisfy you and your wife and kids if you have.

The things that have happened to me with severe abuse from a madman father and then life and death battles with health issues, I should be so depressed and unable to function. Instead I have used all that as fuel. I'm almost like a balistic missle. My father would actually point a gun at other drivers on the road that bothered him with a twisted sick face with us little kids in the back of the car. Imagine what I went through when he turned on me. All fuel now.

My health, I am a rock now, a piece of steel. If disease is going to get me it better be one tough "bug". I turned it around. Get mad and get strong at the stimulus that is making you depressed or the people that are....drop them.

Maybe you can take all this frustration and use it as internal power only if you can forget what others think or pleasing them. Forget them. Your post here is mostly about how others affected you. Say in your head...screw 'em. Stop competing with others. If you want a lemonade stand and it makes you happy...so do it. You don't have to keep up with anyone!!!

Here's an example for you. I am a singer as a hobby. I never had time for a band although I know I have the voice to go very far (again emotions driven for something good...singing) I'm into karaoke now as a hobby. It was hard at first as I tried to sound good for everyone until I thought about what I always knew. I sing for myself...nobody else. I do not care what others think. I have given this great advice to so many other singers.

Singing for myself has given me a very professional voice that can take me to the studio if I had time. I didn't care if I screwed up a few notes....to hell with the crowd. As far as karaoke, there are only a couple males around the county that I have seen that can compare but they don't sing in the same class of music.

There is one reason I can do this. I have turned pain to power and that power I have used to please me, for myself. I sing for myself. I live my life for myself and my daughter.

Live your life for yourself and you won't be depressed. You won't have to live up to anyone anymore or impress anyone. If you do this, like my singing has gone to a professional level...your interests will too. Seems most live their life to impress others yet others rarely could give a damn and if you can impress them they will just knock you down out of jealousy anyway.

I don't have any college either. That's just the way it is for us, but there are other ways.

Hang in there and let people know here if you are having a tough day. Looks like people here care about you. Did I make any sense here CD? Have a great day!

Ron
Inventor of Handi-Straps
Handi Straps Lifting System Home

[malumu200]

Where do I go from here?

Why was I born? Was I born just to experience this horrible life of mine?

What can I do to get out of this hell-hole that I'm in?[/quote]


I say focus on the positive, talk and get advice from people you look up to. If your religious pray about it. Do something that feeds the soul, doing a favorite activity that takes your mind somewhere else away from everything.

Your focusing to much on the negative. Get up and take action, that means doing things you would've have done four years ago. Get out and network with people, and surround yourself with positive people. Like everyone on YE.

All this stuff Im saying is easier "said" that, "done". If your really sick of "hell-hole" your in you would make a change. So unless you go around and just feel sorry for yourself, nothing will happen. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!!!

[TheCDAllenGroup]

Thanks everyone for the advice and encouraging words.

I'm putting together a new 'life' strategy that involves re-executing my post high school education, stepping into my career, therapy (to combat these depression 'issues', and relocating my residence.

Thanks again.

[RLorenzen]

Originally Posted by ron komorowski

Well CD...looks like you have some friends here that have taken the time to support you!!!!

I looked at your picture. You look like a strong respectable well kept person. If I have any advice to give you it will be this: Learn to live your life for yourself.

I hear you worry about what people think, your customers think in your businesses, your family's problems. WORRY ABOUT YOU....and live your life for you and only to satisfy you and your wife and kids if you have.

The things that have happened to me with severe abuse from a madman father and then life and death battles with health issues, I should be so depressed and unable to function. Instead I have used all that as fuel. I'm almost like a balistic missle. My father would actually point a gun at other drivers on the road that bothered him with a twisted sick face with us little kids in the back of the car. Imagine what I went through when he turned on me. All fuel now.

My health, I am a rock now, a piece of steel. If disease is going to get me it better be one tough "bug". I turned it around. Get mad and get strong at the stimulus that is making you depressed or the people that are....drop them.

Maybe you can take all this frustration and use it as internal power only if you can forget what others think or pleasing them. Forget them. Your post here is mostly about how others affected you. Say in your head...screw 'em. Stop competing with others. If you want a lemonade stand and it makes you happy...so do it. You don't have to keep up with anyone!!!

Here's an example for you. I am a singer as a hobby. I never had time for a band although I know I have the voice to go very far (again emotions driven for something good...singing) I'm into karaoke now as a hobby. It was hard at first as I tried to sound good for everyone until I thought about what I always knew. I sing for myself...nobody else. I do not care what others think. I have given this great advice to so many other singers.

Singing for myself has given me a very professional voice that can take me to the studio if I had time. I didn't care if I screwed up a few notes....to hell with the crowd. As far as karaoke, there are only a couple males around the county that I have seen that can compare but they don't sing in the same class of music.

There is one reason I can do this. I have turned pain to power and that power I have used to please me, for myself. I sing for myself. I live my life for myself and my daughter.

Live your life for yourself and you won't be depressed. You won't have to live up to anyone anymore or impress anyone. If you do this, like my singing has gone to a professional level...your interests will too. Seems most live their life to impress others yet others rarely could give a damn and if you can impress them they will just knock you down out of jealousy anyway.

I don't have any college either. That's just the way it is for us, but there are other ways.

Hang in there and let people know here if you are having a tough day. Looks like people here care about you. Did I make any sense here CD? Have a great day!

Ron
Inventor of Handi-Straps
Handi Straps Lifting System Home

Great post, Ron.

[HarveyJ]

Originally Posted by TheCDAllenGroup

Where do I go from here?

Why was I born? Was I born just to experience this horrible life of mine?

What can I do to get out of this hell-hole that I'm in?

Step 1: Quit whining.
I know at a first glance that sounds harsh, but nothing makes people want to avoid you more than complaining about stuff. They have their own issues, they don't care about yours, unless you pay them to. I've learnt that the hard way.
Even if stuff's really chewing you up inside, suck it up, and don't let other people know.
Sure, successful people have issues. Big ones! But they wouldn't be successes if other people knew about them, because those others would avoid them like the plague

Step 2: Get proactive.
The world owes you nothing. Make it owe you something.
Act like you own the place, and act like that long enough, people will believe it too.
I don't mean you should get arrogant and be a schmuck. Wrong kind of ownership. I mean the kind of graceful ownership where you can exert a calm authority because you are in control... Exert that kind of authority even when you aren't in control, and you soon will be.
If you're a nervous person, work on it. Get people to shout at you until you can sit their taking it without batting an eyelid, and calmly give them back what you want to.

Step 3: Figure it out
Why were you born? Because your parents wanted to fill the aching gap in their lives that could have been supplanted with a pet if they'd thought about it logically instead of emotionally... That, or Government child support payments.
Once again, get over it, and find your own reason to live.
You want to make money? Go out and do it. Be a shark if that's what it takes.
You want to make people happy? Go work at an orphanage. Those kids really need some love and guidance.

Step 4: Getting there.
Every path takes you in a different direction, and will require different things to get there. It's like an RPG.
If you want personal fulfilment, identify what the ends are, and then the means that get you there. Then assume those means are ends unto themselves, and attempt to get figure out the means to those.
Break it all down to simpler and simpler tasks. Sure, the document will be large and daunting, but just look at it, one task at a time. That will be simple.

[warrensway]

Just remember you life is what you make of it, not what other people make of it. It is not all about money or success in terms of money. You do what you think is best for you and love what you are doing. Best of luck to you.